Welcome to our newest web feature, Found Fiction Friday! With authors’ permission, we’ll be posting stories from our issues online. Formatting is still unique to the books, but the story is free for all to read.
Today’s story is by Simo Srinivas . Simo Srinivas is a writer of all things weird and queer. They were named 2023’s Brave New Weird Breakout Author by Tenebrous Press, and their work has appeared in several magazines and anthologies, including Fantasy, Strange Horizons, and Archive of the Odd, among others. Find Simo online at http://srinivassimo.com or on Twitter/Bluesky/Instagram @srinivassimo.
It originally appeared in Issue 1.
Warnings: Thalassophobia, dead animals
From: Matteo Bianchi
Sent: Monday, August 9, 2027 9:30 AM
To: Zeno Lau
Subject: Notice of Nondisclosure Agreement re: Project Fathomless
Dear ZENO LAU:
Please review the attached Nondisclosure Agreement and use this link to sign and acknowledge receipt. Contact Legal if you have any questions.
Yours in the sea undying,
Matteo Paracelsus Bianchi
Leftmost Head of Global Litigation, Atlantic Division
199 The Round St, Coral Gables, FL 33133
+1 (305) 278-9994
UNDINE TAYLOR EIKON & JONES LLP
Please consider the environment before printing this email.
#
Litigation Release No. 12069 / November 30, 2028
Securities & Exchange Commission v. Vanko Chumak, et. al., No. 3:28-cv-819 (SKP) (S.D. Florida, filed November 30, 2028)
The Securities and Exchange Commission today announced charges against Vanko “The Squid” Chumak, of Sunken Miami, Florida, and his business, Full Fathom Five LLC.
The SEC’s complaint alleges that Chumak solicited investments for real estate ventures in the Sunken Miami area, telling potential investors that he and Full Fathom Five had perfected seascaping technology that would enable developers to reclaim lost land. In reality, this promising new technology did not exist. The SEC’s complaint further alleges that Chumak fabricated documents and made numerous false and misleading statements to investors and in media articles.
The SEC’s complaint, filed in federal court in Miami, charges Chumak and Full Fathom Five with violating the antifraud provisions of Section 17(a) of the Securities Act of 1933 and Section 10(b) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 and Rule 10b-5 thereunder.
In a parallel criminal action, the US Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida announced charges against Chumak for related misconduct.
The SEC’s investigation was conducted by Lila Kim-Watts and Thomas Dayley and supervised by Tsubaki S. Mullins. The SEC’s litigation will be led by Milo Nguyen and supervised by Tanya D. Pascale. The SEC appreciates the assistance of the United States Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida and US Attorneys Daniel J. Saphirstein and R. Quincy Peters.
The SEC strongly encourages investors to research the background of individuals or firms selling or offering seascaping investments. For more information, please refer to our Investor Alert series on underwater investment scams.
#
DY Park, The Miami Diving Bell @doyunpark97 – Feb 12, 2028
the sea undying the sea undying
CryptoKingfisher666 @hana_yori_fandango – Feb 15, 2028
Here’s how Vanko the Squid could still be alive 1/32
CryptoKingfisher666 @hana_yori_fandango – Feb 15, 2028
In conclusion:
32/32
Barty Boo @banana_cream_pigeon – replying to The New York Herald @nyherald -Feb 15, 2028
ok but like wheres the body
Barty Boo @banana_cream_pigeon – Feb 16, 2028
has anyone checked the bermuda triangle
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THE NEW YORK HERALD
The Florida Real Estate Mogul Who Thought He Could Tame the Undying Sea
Vanko Chumak, immigrant turned real estate developer and amateur marine biologist, was last seen on Friday running toward the shores of the Undying Sea.
By TARA KINNEY
Illustration by REBEKAH LOWERY
Feb. 15, 2028
Guests at the inaugural Oceans of Promise Hackathon held on September 20, 2025 in New York City had arrived by limousine, private jet, and superyacht. It was unlikely any were aware that the subways had flooded again and were, at the very moment Ukrainian emigre and real estate mogul Vank Chumak strolled up to the microphone, covered in almost twelve feet of water. But they did know it was raining. Lightning flashed as the remnants of tropical storm Malika lashed the windows of the American Museum of Natural History where over 300 luminaries of North American science and industry had gathered to hear Chumak speak.
This was the kind of weather in which Chumak, an egg-shaped, mild-eyed man of unknown age and unassuming bearing, felt most at home. This was the kind of weather, he would tell the crowd, that he often saw from the porthole windows of his submerged estate in Sunken Miami.
Rising from his seat in a glittering blue tuxedo by Galliano, Chumak approached the stage accompanied by the retro jingling instrumentals of The Cure’s “From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea.”
“I have always felt an affinity for deep water,” Chumak told his guests…
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Together, we can make a splash
Margrit Mortens, Class of 2002
Tue., August 31, 2027 at 9:59 AM to me
Dear Zeno,
It’s time to make a Splash! Our 20th annual giving campaign begins at midnight.
The Splash initiative depends on the generosity of Flooded Keys University School of Law alumni like yourself to support FKU students today and into the flooded future. No gift is too small, but gifts of $5,000 or more will receive, as special thanks, FKU-inspired snorkeling gear. I hope you will join us.
Ever yours in the tranquil embrace of deep water,
Margrit
#
EXHIBIT K. ARTIFACTS RECOVERED FROM THE HISTORY OF DIVING MUSEUM IN ISLAMORADA, FLORIDA
Bottle
18th century
Found at the site of the Telmo shipwreck off the southern coast of Islamorada, this bottle of thick brownish green glass is a classic example of rum-runner cargo of this period. Unlike other bottles of this type, however, this specimen contained a message instead of rum. The message, too, is atypical of the period and may be the result of an irate trader requesting confirmation of receipt of shipment, albeit through somewhat eccentric means. Alternately, this message may have been intended as a joke.
Message in a bottle
18th century
Parchment and India ink. When unfurled, the message reads, ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT.
Placards researched and prepared by this year’s museum intern, Z.H. Lau, of Holiday Isle High School.
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u/TheBellowingSeal commented on Thoughts on Full Fathom Five? in r/WallStreetBets
mortimusshortimus – 300 points – 2 years ago
business model is way sus. no one can stop the undying sea it’s literally in the name. forget WeWork this is WeSwim.
TheBellowingSeal – 3.5k points – 2 years ago
There have been some pretty major breakthroughs in seascaping tech this year. FFF might end up thriving.
zenopanino – 58 points – 1 year ago
stay away from the undying sea
TheBellowingSeal – 1.8k [Gold Award] [Wholesome Seal Award] – 1 year ago
Why? You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
DYPark97 – 2 points – 10 months ago
u/TheBellowingSeal, I’m writing an article for The Miami Diving Bell about Full Fathom Five. Would you be interested in providing a short statement?
TheBellowingSeal – 60 points – 7 months ago
No comment.
#
EXHIBIT G. WATERLOGGED BIBLIOGRAPHY FRAGMENT FOUND AMONG PERSONAL EFFECTS OF DOYUN PARK
Audrey C. Chen, Yu Zhang. Improved aerobic performance of colossal cephalopod species at levels of atmospheric carbon of 900 ppm or greater. Journal of Environmental Conservation, 2021; 8 (3) DOI: 10.1028/envcons/c10alz2
Hannah L. Hackman, Geeta Iyengar, Michelle S. Leering & Alan S. Rosenbaum. Drums in the deep: Tracking unusual migratory patterns of M. hamiltoni with sonar. Canadian Journal of Oceanography, 2022; 1 (1) DOI: 10.2929 / cjoocea / 12lazkf
Katya Popova, Mikal F. Kinsley, Theodore L. S. Steinhoffer, Jacob Gilroy & Yuuto Sakamoto. Exponential population growth of D. gigas in the American Pacific. World Fisheries & Aquaculture, 2024; 2 (1) DOI: 10.3279/worfisaq/d102sl
Darren M. Russell. Do androids dream of electric eels? Themes of climate change and mutually assured destruction in early 21st century American and Japanese dystopian science fiction. International Journal of Comparative Literature and Translation Studies, 2025; 4 (1) DOI: 10.52249 / intjcomplit / allwlc1s
Guoqiang Xu, Kexin Wang & Yang Zhen. Sinking coasts: Interferometric synthetic aperture radar analysis of vertical land motion rates in the South China Sea region, 2010-2018. Journal of Advanced Geology…
#
From: Nino Costa
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2027 8:23 PM
To: Zeno Lau
Subject: Reminder of Nondisclosure Agreement re: Project Fathomless
Dear ZENO LAU:
The attached Nondisclosure Agreement requires your IMMEDIATE ATTENTION. Please utilize this link to sign and acknowledge receipt.
Yours in the sea undying,
Nino Bombastus Costa
Rightmost Head of Global Litigation, Atlantic Division 199 The Round St, Coral Gables, FL 33133
+1 (305) 278-9994
UNDINE TAYLOR EIKON & JONES LLP
Please consider the environment before printing this email.
#
Excerpt from the DEPOSITION OF ZENO LAU, taken on behalf of the Plaintiff at 10:46 A.M., Wednesday, May 17, 2028, at 99 NE 4th St, Miami, FL 33132, United States, before Daniel J. Saphirstein, Esq. and Rowan Quincy Peters, Esq.
Continued from page 8.
Q. …discussed?
A. I can’t remember. Sorry.
Q. Let’s move on. What prompted you to contact the SEC?
A. I didn’t actually, I didn’t, um, like I said, I got in touch with the Diving Bell reporter who was sniffing around on Reddit. It was her idea.
Q. Ms. Park.
A. Yeah.
Q. So she was the one who told you to—
A. Yeah.
Q. —blow the whistle. Okay. And when the SEC approached you on the morning of February 15, 2028, were you aware that Ms. Park and Mr. Chumak were both missing?
A. Jesus Christ, Danny.
Q. Please answer the question.
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RE: Seeing shadows
Alejandra D. Spellman
Tue., March 28, 2028 at 11:27 AM
to me
Hi Zeno,
My apologies for the delay in getting back to you. As you are no doubt aware, our Miami office was heavily impacted by the Tidewater Incident earlier this month. We are still more or less treading water but I am pleased to say our temporary offices on 56 Erizo de Mar Boulevard are now up and running (and above sea-level!).
Should your busy schedule permit, I would be happy to see you on Monday, April 5 at 1:30 p.m. When you arrive, take the elevator to the eighth floor. Suite 805 will be the third office on your right.
Thank you for selecting Smooth Sailing Psychotherapy & Counseling to assist you during this difficult time.
Sincerely,
Alejandra D. Spellman, L.P.C.
#
Continental Logistics Announces Strategic Investment in Full Fathom Five
SUNKEN MIAMI, FL, October 25, 2026 — Globe Newswire — Continental Logistics (NYSE:CLOG), a leading deep-ocean freight-forwarding and logistics company, today announced that it has acquired a minority ownership interest in seascaping startup Full Fathom Five LLC.
Deepak Ranganathan, President and CEO of Continental Logistics, issued the following statement: “Full Fathom Five has one of the most innovative approaches to seascaping in the 21st century and we look forward to this exciting long-term collaboration that we feel will have a real impact on the fate of humankind.”
Full Fathom Five Founder and CEO Vanko Chumak said:
“We are thrilled beyond words for this opportunity to partner with Continental Logistics. Continental Logistics is a heavyweight in the world of deep-ocean transport and we look forward to leveraging their resources and expertise to achieve our full fathom potential.”
Continental Logistics is a Fortune 500 provider of deep-ocean freight-forwarding, warehousing and logistics headquartered in Miami, Florida, with offices in New York City, San Francisco, London, Aberdeen, and Marseille. For more information, please visit www.clogistics.com.
Full Fathom Five LLC is a seascaping startup based in Sunken Miami, Florida. For more information, please visit www.fullfathomfive.com. Follow us on Twitter @FullFathomFiveLLC.
Dartegne & Marshall served as financial advisor and VanDrieff LLP as legal advisor to Continental Logistics. Maurier Drackis served as financial advisor and Undine Taylor Eikon & Jones LLP as legal counsel to Full Fathom Five.
Continental Logistics Contact:
Srikanth Gopalan
+1 305 772 7891
srikanth.gopalan@ir-clogistics.com
Full Fathom Five Contact:
Helene K. Lefebvre
+1 305 902 4812
press@fullfathomfive.com
#
Full Fathom Five
@FullFathomFiveLLC
This account doesn’t exist
Try searching for another.
#
The Islamorada Journal-Gazette
Whale Washes Up On Holiday Isle Beach
By Candace Buttle
April 22, 1996
Residents of the quiet cul-de-sac at the end of Eddy Lane were shocked to discover that the remains of a fully-grown humpback whale had washed ashore overnight. Said Jack Simmons of the eponymous Crabby Jack’s Crab Shack, “We’ve seen a lot, but we’ve never seen anything like this.”
The whale, deemed by retired marine biologist and Islamorada native Dr. Casey Buttle to be an adult male of the species Megaptera novaeangliae, measured nearly 52 feet in length yet bore the marks of a struggle with a creature nearly twice its size. A radio tag belonging to a now defunct research department at Florida Keys University was found embedded in the whale’s left tail fluke bearing the motto “ACKNOWLEDGE.” A spokesperson for the university noted that no record of this particular whale could be found in the school’s cetology database.
Due to their enormous size, said Dr. Buttle, humpback whales have few natural predators beyond killer whales and desperate sharks; however, the whale on Eddy Lane showed signs of strangulation. We found Dr. Buttle enjoying his daily cappuccino at Candace’s One-Stop Coffee and Toffee Shop, and he proved to be in a philosophical mood. “Who knows,” he said musingly, “what terrors lurk in the deep ocean?”
#
Births
List for May 1, 1996
HOLIDAY ISLE REGIONAL MEDICAL CENTER
Sarah Bethany Jacobson, born Apr. 20 to Mr. and Mrs. Terry Jacobson of Tea Table Key. Sarah is the first grandchild of proud grandparents Jane and Jeremy Jacobson of Portland, Maine, and Olivia and Caleb Ellis of Orlando, Florida.
Zeno Henry Lau, born Apr. 21 to Laura (née Rudolph) Lau and Dr. Jicong “Florian” Lau. Grandparents are Miriam and Henry Rudolph of Islamorada, Florida, and Drs. Portia and Zhifeng Lau of Hong Kong.
#
EXHIBIT C. EXCERPT FROM CONTINENTAL LOGISTICS 10-K ANNUAL REPORT FOR THE FISCAL YEAR ENDED DECEMBER 31, 2026
Item 1A. Risk Factors
Our business could be materially and adversely affected by a number of risks or uncertainties.
Climate Risk
While rising sea levels are largely beneficial for our open-ocean operations, our numerous offshore and beach-front locations in the southeastern United States remain vulnerable to natural disasters such as hurricanes and tropical storms. The increasing frequency and severity of such disasters could have a material adverse effect on our business as the destruction of multiple mission-critical open-ocean facilities may exceed insured limits and temporarily or permanently halt our ability to operate.
The Undying Sea
In addition to the above climate risks, we face a number of risks and uncertainties due to the unpredictability of conditions within the Undying Sea. Due to extreme weather and cephalopod swarm events, we have lost and may continue to lose between 3-5 percent of our fleet annually, leading to supply chain disruption, customer dissatisfaction, and business losses. Furthermore, the unscheduled disappearances and reappearances of freighters and cargo ships may cause large fluctuations in our revenues year-over-year. For more information on how phantom vessels factor into our calculations and our use of non-GAAP financial measures, please refer to Item 7. Management’s Discussion and Analysis of Financial Condition and Results of Operation.
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r/WallStreetBets
Posted by u/PM_ME_UR_SEACOIN 1y ago
10.2k upvotes
just lost my life savings lets gooooooo
🌊🌊🌊
🦑🦑🦑
99% upvoted
2.9k comments
Sort By: New
mortimusshortimus – 1y – 34 upvotes
the squid undying the squid undying
MortalThunder90210 – 1y – 58 upvotes
does anyone actually think vanko the squid is dead?
x_LifesABeach_x – 1y – 10 upvotes
TO THE SEA!!!! 🌊
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Further excerpt from the DEPOSITION OF ZENO LAU, taken on behalf of the Plaintiff at 12:32 P.M., Wednesday, May 17, 2028, at 99 NE 4th St, Miami, FL 33132, United States, before Daniel J. Saphirstein, Esq. and Rowan Quincy Peters, Esq.
Continued from page 22.
A. …don’t even know how to swim.
Q. Why is that?
A. You know why.
Q. This is for the record. We’re just trying to get the facts.
A. Had a bad experience on the beach one summer as a toddler. Almost drowned.
Q. Can you be more specific? Was it a riptide, or—
A. It wasn’t a [expletive] riptide. I told you, Danny, I’ve told you so many times, it was a [expletive] tentacle around my [expletive] leg. Are you getting this down? Are you writing this down?
Q. Sit down. Sit down. What are you doing?
A. Taking my pants off so your [expletive] record can show that I have [expletive] sucker marks on my [expletive] thigh. Remember these? I’ve had these since [expletive] 1999. Look at them. Look at them. [Expletive] look at them.
Q. We can take a break. Quince, get me some tissues.
A. I need you to understand that I couldn’t possibly have followed Vanko or the reporter into the water. I’m afraid of the ocean. The ocean [expletive] killed my parents, Danny, you know that, everyone knows that, Islamorada is at the bottom of the [expletive] Atlantic. The sea took them. The sea took them. The sea [indiscernible].
Q. Zeno.
A. You’re the only reason I’m still here.
Q. Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. Let’s take a break.
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UNDINE, TAYLOR, EIKON & JONES LLP
199 The Round St, Coral Gables, FL 33133 | T: (305) 278-9000 | F: (305) 278-9100
February 7, 2028
Via Email and Courier
The Miami Diving Bell
733 Ulysses S. Grant Blvd
Miami, FL 33132 Att’n: Miranda Szczepanski, General Counsel; Doyun Park, Staff Reporter
RE: Your Possession of Secrets Unlawfully Obtained from Full Fathom Five LLC
Dear Ms. Szczepanski:
We have reason to believe you may be in possession of unlawfully obtained information (“Stolen Secrets”) forwarded to Staff Reporter Doyun Park (“Ms. Park”) by a disgruntled former employee of Undine Taylor Eikon & Jones LLP in violation of a binding Nondisclosure Agreement. The Stolen Secrets include, but are not limited to, intellectual property, trade secrets, business secrets, confidential financial information, confidential personnel information, and other confidential information. Please be aware that our client, Full Fathom Five LLC, does not consent to your or Mr. Park’s unlawful possession of said Stolen Secrets and requests your IMMEDIATE cooperation in destroying them.
If you and Ms. Park do not comply with this request, we will have no choice but to hold you legally, financially, and personally responsible for any harm or damages that may come to Full Fathom Five LLC as a result of your actions.
We anticipate that you will choose the wise and obvious course in this matter of utmost importance.
Yours in the sea undying,
Nino Bombastus Costa
cc: Francis Caplan, Managing Editor, Investigations
#
#unfathomable
Francis Caplan 9:24 PM
@Doyun Park, do we need to talk about the secrets?
Doyun Park 9:30 PM
are you going to choose “the wise and obvious course”?
because if so you’re going to have to put me in the shredder too
Francis Caplan 9:31 PM
No need to be so dramatic.
Doyun Park 9:33 PM
undine started it
but for real Cap, we can trash the files but I know what they say
and I know what I’ve seen
Doyun Park 11:55 PM
pretty sure they’re following me btw
undulating shadows in the corner of my eye
Doyun Park 4:09 AM
the sea undying
the sea undying
the sea undying
the sea undying
the sea undying
Francis Caplan 5:34 AM
?
Francis Caplan 9:38 AM
@Doyun Park who’s following you? The lawyers?
What are you talking about?
Francis Caplan 11:45 AM
@Doyun Park ?
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r/SunkenMiami
Posted by u/YakZaddy 1y ago
34 upvotes
weird flashing lights in the undying sea??
is anyone else near the beach? seeing a lot of green flashing in the distance, does anyone know what it could be?
54% upvotes
6 comments
Sort By: Best
FiletOhBishh – 1y – 33 upvotes
I was just about to make this post. I see it too, no idea what it is
docOcOc – 1y – 21 upvotes
Chill out bro, it’s just the aliens. They’re returning Bezos. They don’t want him anymore.
DeepSeaBaby – 1y – 15 upvotes
Sounds like St. Elmo’s fire
BoatyMcBoatfaceee – 1y – 11 upvotes
No way. “St. Elmo’s fire is a weather phenomenon in which luminous plasma is created by a corona discharge from a rod-like object such as a mast, spire, chimney, or animal horn[1] in an atmospheric electric field.” Source: Wikipedia, also I was in the merchant marines and have seen real St. Elmo’s fire before. My guess is thunderstorm.
Louis_and_Shark – 1y – 1 downvote
jeez I hope the undying sea isn’t spreading, hubs and I just bought a condo on south shore
PM_ME_UR_SEACOIN – 1y – 1 upvote
u/Louis_and_Shark I hope you didn’t buy through Full Fathom Five. property values sinking to the bottom of the sea along with the actual fucking buildings
rumblemilkfinny – 1y – 3 downvotes
haha landlubber
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Final excerpt from the DEPOSITION OF ZENO LAU, taken on behalf of the Plaintiff at 7:23 P.M., Wednesday, May 17, 2028, at 99 NE 4th St, Miami, FL 33132, United States, before Daniel J. Saphirstein, Esq. and Rowan Quincy Peters, Esq.
Continued from page 25.
Q. When were you planning to tell us that you and Attorney Saphirstein were romantically involved?
A. We aren’t.
Q. As a reminder, you’re under oath.
Q. Quince, I don’t think this is relevant.
Q. Really, Danny? You don’t think this is relevant? Are you [expletive] kidding? Give me one reason why I shouldn’t report you to the [expletive] ethics committee right [expletive] now. You’ve jeopardized the whole [expletive] investigation. Tell the truth, Mr. Lau. Are you and Attorney Saphirstein romantically involved?
A. I am telling the truth. We aren’t involved anymore.
Q. But you were?
A. Yes.
Q. When did you stop?
A. In law school, and it went up in flames. Otherwise I would have reached out to Danny directly and never bothered that [expletive] reporter and she would probably still be here today. I didn’t want this. I don’t want any of this.
Q. Mr. Lau, I have to ask where you’ve been staying these last few months, I think it’s important.
Q. Quince, come on.
A. I’ve been staying at Danny’s.
Q. At 5217 South Shore Ave, Unit 1012, Miami, Florida?
Q. Quince.
Q. Shut up, Danny. Is that the address, Mr. Lau?
A. Yes.
Q. But you’re not together.
A. For [expletive] sake, a giant squid is hunting me across space and time! It got Vanko, it got the reporter, and it’s coming for me! Danny said he would keep me safe. Danny always [indiscernible].
Q. Calm down. I just need you to ACKNOWLEDGE [indiscernible].
A. [indiscernible]
END OF REQUESTED PORTION.
#
Legacy.com
Francis James Caplan, 1980-2028
With great sadness, we mark the passing of beloved husband, friend, journalist, and seaman, Francis James “Cap” Caplan, 48, of Miami, Florida, on March 25. The only son of Parker and Edith Caplan of Lansdale, Pennsylvania, Francis landed in Florida in 2002 to begin his career reporting on the police blotter of a certain sleepy beach town we call Miami. Within a year he had joined the Investigative News team and begun breaking stories on financial and white collar crimes. No knot was too hard to untangle, no threats too frightening to withstand. In 2019, Francis’ dedicated work on the Mantis Scandal led to the arrest and racketeering conviction of then-Senator Joshua Barkley and the passing of several transparency and anti-money-laundering laws in the state of Florida. He became Managing Editor in 2024.
Francis was an avid sailor. On those rare occasions when he was able to escape the newsroom, he could found aboard his 1985 Hinckley Sou’wester 59, The Jeanne Marie, darting around the Sunken Keys and making daring forays into the Undying Sea. It gives us, his friends and loved ones, some comfort to know that he slipped away under a bluebird sky, lulled to his final rest by the gentle rocking of The Jeanne Marie.
Francis was preceded in death by his parents and is survived by his devoted wife, Jean…
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Rising Star: Undine Taylor’s Zeno H. Lau
Law360 (July 10, 2027, 4:39 EDT) — Or should we say “starfish”? Zeno H. Lau of Undine Taylor Eikon & Jones LLP advises clients on ocean-taming tech ranging from prefabricated seasteadings to tidal turbines, and late last year he helped boiling hot seascaping startup Full Fathom Five LLC negotiate their $1.1 billion strategic investment deal with freight-forwarding leviathan Continental Logistics, earning him a spot among the technology lawyers under 40 honored by Law360 as Rising Stars…
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Pat Devine @pat_devine – Dec 28
I for one welcome our watery overlords.
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Finance Flotsam
Everything, Including Eldritch Sea Monsters, Is Securities Fraud
By Pat Devine
December 1, 2028, 11:05 AM EDT
Remember how, nearly a decade ago, gosh wow aren’t we old, Gamestop blew up, hashtag to the moon, rocketship rocketship rocketship? That was a weird time, right? Oh my sweet summer children. It’s 2028, the SEC investigates sea monsters now. Do you think any of the investigative team also worked on the Elon Musk flamethrower debacle, and if so, were they like, “I’ve interviewed mole-men in the tunnels of Boring Company, this is nothing, stop screaming at these manmade horrors beyond our comprehension”?
And obviously it’s securities fraud. Because everything—everything!—is securities fraud. This time, I actually kind of agree: if you dump $1.1 billion into a company whose entire business model hinges on the cooperation of a kraken, that’s material! That goes into your risk factors!
Though I can also understand why the execs at Continental Logistics would have wanted to keep that quiet. I mean, a kraken!
A KRAKEN!
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In re: Continental Logistics Securities Litigation
3:28-cv-0175-ZFM (United States District Court, Southern District of Florida)
December 12, 2028
GABRIEL J. TORTUGA, et. al., Plaintiffs, v. CONTINENTAL LOGISTICS, INC., et. al., Defendants.
Beryl A. Simms, Nathaniel T. Keller and Rollo Redford III of Shah Strathmore LLP, Orlando, Florida, Attorneys for Lead Plaintiff Gabriel J. Tortuga.
Jessamy H. Pullman, Edward F. Rothschild, Tobias E. Mendoza, Bianca L. Strong and Idina Leung of Hartgull Brimley Fin LLP, Sunken Miami, Florida, Attorneys for Defendants Continental Logistics, Inc. and Deepak Ranganathan.
??????????? of ??????????? on behalf of Defendant Undine Taylor Eikon & Lord LLP.
Zahra Mirzei, United States District Judge.
ORDER ON OUTSTANDING MOTIONS IN LIMINE
(Doc. Nos. 51, 52, 53, 64 & 65)
At issue before this Court are Plaintiffs’ multiple emergency and expedited motions in limine to preclude Defendants’ expert testimony.
Plaintiffs’ expert, Jonathan M. Larsen of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, is a licensed C.P.A. and Managing Director at accounting firm Beck Delgado. Larsen holds a B.S. in Economics from Duke University and a Ph.D. in Marine Resource Economics from the Arctic University of Norway. He began his career at Norwegian accounting firm Ophlar and has over 30 years of experience in maritime business valuation and accounting.
DEFENDANTS’ EXPERT CANNOT BE NAMED, NOR CAN IT BE LOOKED UPON. IT IS A CREATURE BEYOND OUR FEEBLE HUMAN UNDERSTANDING, AND WHILE IT IS NOT A LICENSED ACCOUNTANT IN THIS STATE, ANY STATE, OR INDEED ANY HUMAN TERRITORY, IT POSSESSES DEEP KNOWLEDGE OF THE LAWS AND CUSTOMS OF THE UNDYING SEA…
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“Apocalyptic”: Tsunami strikes east coast of Florida
By APARNA SARABHAI and CHRISTIAN VALE – January 1, 2029
SUNKEN MIAMI (AP) — The US Coast Guard and rescue teams are working around the clock looking for survivors of the New Year’s Tsunami that struck the eastern coast of Florida just after midnight on January 1, 2029. In a statement to the press, Florida Governor Naomi Hernández described the tsunami, which was not preceded by notable seismic activity, as a “Doomsday event” of “apocalyptic proportions.”
The wave obliterated much of the downtown area, including Miami’s financial district, federal courthouses, and a block of newer housing known as the South Shores Condominiums. The condos were part of a larger project of land reclamation begun in the mid-20s by Vanko Chumak, a real estate developer and suspected fraudster who is believed to have drowned in the Undying Sea in February 2028.
Smaller waves have been reported around the Sunken Keys region and as far north as coastal Georgia…
#
FROM: BASIL ROMANO
SENT: SUNDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2028 11:59 PM
TO: ZENO LAU
SUBJECT: THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING
ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT. ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT. ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT.
KIND REGARDS,
BAZ THEOPHRASTUS ROMANO
CENTER HEAD OF GLOBAL LITIGATION, ATLANTIC DIVISION
THE SEA, THE SEA
YOU MUST NOT CALL UPON ME!
UNDINE TAYLOR EIKON & JONES LLP
PLEASE CONSIDER THE ENVIRONMENT BEFORE PRINTING THIS EMAIL.
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